Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Kicked Out in Daytona

Bob and I are in Daytona for race week. We have been here for a week and a half and this is probably our last night out. We head to Aqua. We spent the first night drinking at this club and decide to check it out again before we leave. It is a $20 cover, but all-you-can-drink until close. We kind of stand out because most of the people there are dressed like wiggers, while we are wearing long sleeved button-up shirts. We begin to drink heavily.

One person whom we apparently don't stand out to is a female bartender. Every time Bob goes up to order a drink she makes him roll up his sleeve to check for his wristband. By the third or fourth time it is getting a little annoying. No other bartenders have checked for our bracelets at all. They are much smarter than her, realizing that, in order to get into the bar, you have to pay for a $20 bracelet. Bob is still tipping her but we both agree that we shouldn't bother tipping her anymore if she keeps checking his bracelet.

Bob orders another drink and she makes him roll up his sleeves to check for his bracelet again. This chick is very stupid. He steps away from the bar without tipping and walks over to where I'm standing. Someone taps him on the shoulder and says the bartender is trying to get his attention. He walks over to her.

Bartender: "What, you can't tip me?"
Bob: "Well, you keep checking my bracelet"
Bartender: "I'm just doing my job honey."
Me: "Don't fucking tip her if she asks for it. That's ridiculous."
Bob: "well, it's annoying. I'm not tipping you."

She flips Bob off. He returns the middle finger. She gets a pissed off look on her face and quickly starts walking out from behind the bar.

Me: "Bob, you're gonna get kicked out."
Bob: "I don't fucking care. I don't have to tip her. That's ridiculous."
Me: "Well let's just move to the other side before she gets back."

Bob just stands there. The bartender comes back with a bouncer and points out Bob to him. The bouncer tells Bob he has to leave and starts pushing him. Bob is flipping out. He's basically getting kicked out for not tipping, which I didn’t know was mandatory.

He tells the bouncer that he can walk himself and "don't fucking touch me." The bouncer continues to push him. I'm still standing at the bar while Bob is pushing back, calling the bouncer a fucking pussy and flipping off the bartender. The bartender has a smile on her face and is waving bye bye to Bob. That is the last straw for me. I am wiping that smile off her face.

While they throw Bob out, I begin to plot my revenge. I look around and see an exit about 10 feet to my right, with no bouncer standing by it because they are all too busy with Bob. I walk closer to the exit, turn back towards the bar, and throw my full plastic cup of rum and coke directly into the smiling bartender's face. She is soaked. I smile and sprint for the door. No one is near me.

I go out the door and realize that it doesn't lead outside but into another bar. This bar has very few people in it. I am glad that exit signs exist because I easily find the way out of this bar and quickly walk out the door, trying not to look too suspicious. I walk back to the entrance of the club, where I see that the bouncers have finally managed to push Bob out the front door. I speed walk up to Bob:

Me: "Bob, go. We gotta get outta here. Bob! Bob, we gotta go."
Bob: "Fuck that! I'm standing right here."
Me: "Bob, you don't realize what I've just done. Trust me, we gotta go."
Bob: "Fuck them, I'm standing right here."

I see a bunch of big dudes come out of the other bar and start running towards me.

Big Dudes: "Get the fuck back here! He's in the blue striped shirt!."
Me: "Bob run. Bob run!"
Bob: "Fuck this place."

Bob doesn't move so I leave him behind and start sprinting down the street. I can hear the big dudes yelling behind me. I run by three cop cars parked outside with the officers standing by their cars. I quickly turn up the closest street and turn down the next street up. I am getting out of breath. I look behind me and don't see anyone following anymore. I stand behind a tree and take off my striped shirt. I continue to walk down the street, looking for somewhere that will be easy for Bob to find me. I spot a big red sign that says Desert Hotel. I run across the street and hide in the parking lot of the hotel. Bob calls me:

Bob: "Did you throw your drink at the bartender?"
Me: "Yeah."
Bob: "That is awesome!!!"
Me: "How'd you find out?"
Bob: "I seen this group of big dudes running out of the bar yelling, 'No one throws a drink at my bartenders!' and I knew it had to be you. Where are you?"
Me: “I'm on Atlantic Blvd, a ways down. Whatever street you go down just turn North on Atlantic and you'll find me. Look for the Desert Hotel."

I wait behind some bushes in the parking lot, hoping that Bob finds me before any cops or angry bouncers find me. I finally see Bob, and wave my shirt in the air to get his attention in case he can't see the enormous red sign that says Desert Hotel. We get away without getting a beating or getting arrested. I got revenge on that bitch for us. I hope she cried.


Anonymous said...

its like i was there..

Josh C.

Phil D. N. said...

Best one by far lolz