One mystical night, as a strapping young 21 year old, I head to downtown Buffalo for some random girl's party at a bar. Jimbo and Jenny pick me up in lockport around 7. Carl and Conley have to work late, so we pickup the keys to their apartment from their work so that we can pregame until the party at 10.
We darrive at the apartment around 8 and get a good pregame going. I'm drinking beer but Jimbo has been on this blackberry brandy kick lately and has been drinking that straight.
We head to the party at the bar, where it's $5 for all you can drink until 12. This is a bar on chippewa, what a steal! We drink fast to take advantage of the open bar, while playing darts. Right before 12, we each go up to the bar and order 4 drinks a piece. Nothing wrong with double double fisting.
After the drinks are gone, we are completely hammered and walk back to Carl's to see if they're back from work yet.
It is raining outside and Jimbo is purposely stomping in every huge puddle on the way back. Luckily, it is a short walk.
We get back to the apartment, where Carl and Conley are ready to go out. Jimbo lays face first on the floor with one hand up on the wall. I try to get him up to go back out but he decides to go pass out on Conley's bed. He gets up, runs and does a belly flop onto the bed. CRACK! The bed is broken. This won’t be the last thing broken on this night.
We leave Jimbo behind and go back to the bar. Conley starts buying lots of drinks, as usual. He starts off with three shots for himself, one for Carl, and one for Jenny. I refuse to do any shots. I am not too far behind where Jimbo is and I can already see where this night is going if I try to keep up with them. I am not puking tonight. I order a rum and coke. After the shot, and a couple more drinks, Jenny thinks she might get sick. Carl and Conley are not ready to leave so I take Jenny back to the apartment to throw up.
Carl and Conley come back close to 3:30. They wake up Jimbo, hold him up and force him to come to the bar below the apartment. Jimbo decides to be a tough guy and he makes it downstairs. They must drink a lot down there because when they come back up at around 4:30, Carl is the one who is now unable to walk. I see him stumbling up the stairs like a zombie, while giggling.
Jimbo is ready to pass out again. Not learning his lesson from last time, he decides to bellyflop onto the recliner. CRACK! The recliner tips over as something inside of it breaks. Conley tells me that Jimbo had puked outside before coming upstairs.
Carl and Conley go into the kitchen to get some more to drink. They start chugging smirnoff vodka straight from the bottle. The bottle is passed to Carl. His eyes are barely open, he is wobbling back and forth, and he's already drooling. No good can come of this. He does a decent chug and doesn't look good. A few minutes later I see him starting to shake and he is going to puke. I leave the room just in time to hear, but not see, puke splatter all over the kitchen floor. Carl goes back to the living room and passes out sitting up on the couch.
Conley decides that, since there is puke all over the kitchen floor, that it's time to make some macaroni and cheese. He gets out a pan that is clearly not big enough to handle the ridiculous amount of noodles he is going to pour into it. I go back out in the living room to check on Carl and Jimbo. I hear a loud CRACK! in the kitchen. Conley down, Conley down! He has slipped and fallen on his ass while making the mac and cheese. He's ok though, and he claims that he didn't slip on the puke. I decide to be a nice friend and clean up the puke anyways.
Conley starts cooking the noodles and throws in the cheese and butter while it's still cooking. He starts mixing it all together and everything is overflowing. That doesn't bother him at all. He starts eating it with the big mixing spoon. As he's chewing, I hear crunching. It is barely cooked. I tell him, "I don't think mac and cheese is supposed to be crunchy." He does not care.
Now, there is mac and cheese all over the kitchen, replacing the puke that was on the floor. I'm just standing there, witnessing this culinary atrocity. Conley continues to stir, with his eyes barely open, while noodles fall into the flame underneath and sizzle. I tell him that he's going to burn the apartment down and to just give it up. He turns off the flame and I head to bed.
Since Carl is still sleeping in a chair in the living room, I pass out in Carl's bed around 5. At 7, the light turns on. It's Carl. I pretend to sleep because I do not want to sleep in a chair, I was already sleeping so good. He stands in the doorway and walks away. I get up and turn off the light. Carl comes back, eyes still not open, stands in the doorway and starts blinking the light. He doesn't say a word. I finally sit up and say, "Carl, you want your bed?" He plops down next to me. He still doesn't say anything. I leave the room and he goes to sleep.
I wake up the next morning to find Conley passed out in a chair with a full bowl of crunchy mac and cheese next to him. Everyone else is still passed out.
Later in the morning, Jimbo, Conley, Jenny, and I are sitting in the living room watching TV. Conley is playing the Sabres on the keyboard. All of a sudden, Carl walks into the living room, wearing just his boxers. His eyes are still barely open. He doesn't say a word. He just grabs the keyboard, rips it out of the wall, and slams it on the floor. CRACK! He then turns around and walks back into his room. Everyone looks around shocked before bursting out in laughter. I begin to laugh so hard that my ribs start hurting. It is the perfect ending to random night back when I didn't need to sleep.